Making Friends as an Adult

Don't you ever sit on the couch, mindlessly scrolling, and come across one of those videos featuring a group of fifteen women laughing together on a boat, on a girls' trip, or celebrating someone's birthday?

And for a split second, you think:

"Wow. I barely have two or three friends."

If so, you're not alone.

And no, I'm not even going to launch into my usual speech about how social media can be fake, misleading, and occasionally toxic because honestly... that's beside the point (but you know i feel strongly about this, right?)

The truth is that many women feel lonely.

Even women who are married. Even women with children. Even women who seem to have it all together.

Making friends as an adult can genuinely be tricky.

Unlike school, college, or your first job, nobody is naturally placing you in a room full of people your age every day. Life gets busy. You move to a new city. Careers change. Families grow. You focus on your own little microcosm and before you know it, your social circle can become surprisingly small.

But here's the good news: most people are craving connection and community just as much as you are.

They're simply waiting for someone to make the first move.

Pick up a new hobby or sign up for a class!

One of the easiest ways to meet people is to put yourself in environments where you naturally share an interest. Take a class. Book a workshop. Learn something completely new.

Pottery, Self-Defense, candle making, sourdough bread, water aerobics, taekwondo, sewing, whatever your little heart desires. Take two hours for yourself, plan in advance if needed, and go. No excuse. No last-minute bail.

Will you become a master potter? Probably not. Will you meet people who enjoy similar things? Very possibly.

And that's the whole point.

Volunteer Somewhere

I know, I know. It sounds almost suspiciously wholesome, but hear me out: volunteering is one of the easiest ways to meet genuinely lovely people as an adult because you’re automatically surrounded by others who care about something beyond themselves.

Whether it’s at your child’s school, a local animal rescue, a women’s shelter, a church event, or a community fundraiser, it gives you something to do while getting to know people, which is often much less awkward than sitting across from a stranger trying to force chemistry over an overpriced latte.

Bonus point: people tend to be more open, warm, and down-to-earth when they’re busy packing backpacks for kids or setting up folding chairs for a fundraiser than when they’re making stiff small talk at a networking event.

Host a "Bring a Friend" Gathering

Invite your two or three closest friends over for dinner, brunch, or drinks, then ask each of them to bring one friend they genuinely love. Not a random acquaintance, of course but someone they think is kind, interesting, and fun. Suddenly your circle expands naturally through people you already trust.

It's basically friend matchmaking.

Join a Book Club (Or Start One)

Book clubs are secretly one of the greatest adult friendship hacks. Even if half the group never finishes the book! It's less about literature and more about creating a recurring reason to gather. People need regular opportunities to connect since friendships don't happen overnight. They happen through repeated encounters. And this is the perfect opportunity.

How on earth can you start a book club, you ask? It's simpler than you think (really)!

1) Define the Vibe and Purpose :

First, decide what kind of club you want. Do you want deep literary analysis, or is it an excuse to drink yummy drinks and socialize? Consider picking a specific theme (e.g., Sci-Fi, Romance, YA, Non-Fiction, ...) so members know what to expect.

2. Figure Out Logistics:

Where: Rotate hosting at members' houses? Meet at a local coffee shop or pub? Reserve a room at your local library?

When: Aim for a consistent schedule, such as the first Tuesday of every month, to help people plan ahead.

Frequency: Monthly is the industry standard and gives busy adults enough time to read.

And finally, 3. Find Your Members!

Start with 5 to 10 core members and to find more people, post in local neighborhood apps, Facebook Groups, or use community-finding apps like Meetup or the app Bookclubs (you can schedule meetups, vote on books via polls, and send reminders all in one place!), or you can also print flyers at your local coffee shop if you'd like that better. Just spread the word and don't worry about not being perfect at first, you'll figure out as you go!

Go Where Your Season of Life Is

A few years ago, I moved to Arizona without knowing a single person. Not one. At first, I made some wonderful friends through work, but then Covid happened, we all started working from home, and just like that, that sense of connection disappeared overnight. Around the same time, I got married and moved to the other side of town (which sounds easy enough, but it's literally over an hour away), where once again, I found myself starting from scratch. I had no one.

My family and closest friends are all back in Brussels and Paris, so I went through my engagement, newlywed life, pregnancy, and those raw newborn days feeling far more alone than I ever expected. And because the borders were closed for so long, even the people I loved most couldn’t simply hop on a plane and come help (They would totally have if that was allowed. My mom was on the first plane allowed back in the States, not joking). It was a really hard season, and one that made me realize just how essential friendship and community are

And do you know where I met some of my closest friends during this chapter of my life?

The baby gym.

When my son was five months old, I was desperate for connection, so I signed up for a class at The Little Gym. I wanted an excuse to get dressed and out of the house, mainly. And there, completely unexpectedly, I met not one, not two, but eight incredible women.

Women who understood exactly what I was going through. They were first-time moms too, with babies the exact same ages as my son.

Before I knew it, we had a group chat where we asked questions, shared milestones, fears, funny memes, and a dash of inevitable moms anxiety. After a week or two, we started having weekly playdates that we all took turns hosting.

These women became dear friends. They became my village. And to this day, four years later, the group chat, the playdates, and the friendships are still going strong.

The lesson? Don't underestimate the places you're already spending time : the playground. The school pickup line. A workout class. A neighborhood event.

Connection is often much closer than we think.

Be the Person Who Starts the Conversation.

This is probably the hardest part. Many adults walk into a room waiting for someone to talk to them.

What if you became the person who talks first? Ask questions. Compliment someone. Introduce yourself. Sit beside the new person.

And if you click, keep showing up! Ask for their phone number. Follow up. Offer to get coffee.

The worst-case scenario is usually far less scary than we imagine.

And the best one? You meet someone wonderful.

Put Down the Armor

One thing I've noticed about adult friendships is that many of us become guarded.

We've been hurt, disappointed, let down or ghosted. So we protect ourselves. But friendship requires a certain amount of openness. Erhh, needless to say, you don't have to share your deepest secrets on day one. But you do have to let people get to know the real you! The happy you. The awkward you. The imperfect you.

I'm sure you heard the quote "Your vibe attracts your tribe", so make sure you show up authentically and genuinely the way you are.

The version of yourself that isn't trying to impress anyone.

Say yes!

Say yes to the invitation, even if you’re nervous, even if you won’t know anyone, even if a part of you would much rather stay home in your leggings and scroll Tiktok because it's familiar and right in the middle of your comfort zone.

If someone invites you to the boat day, the dinner party, the tennis tournament, the new golf clinic, the birthday drinks, the school fundraiser, go. Truly, just go! Get out of your head, put on a killer outfit, and show up. Worst case scenario, you leave after an hour and order fries on the way home. Best case? You have a great time and meet new friends.

Pay attention to the red flags

The only thing I would caution against is trying to fit in at all costs. Not every woman you meet is destined to become your next great friendship, and that’s okay. If the chemistry isn’t there, don’t force it just because you’re eager to “find your people.” Friendship is not speed dating, and you do not need to perform your way into a group chat that doesn’t feel quite right (If Ashley Tisdale thaught us anything!)

That said, don’t let one awkward coffee or one slightly underwhelming conversation convince you that making friends as an adult is impossible and everyone already has their clique and their pickleball team. That’s not true either. I think the key is to pay attention to the energy. Do you actually enjoy talking to this person? Do you seem to share the same values, sense of humor, and general way of moving through the world? Do you leave feeling lighter, more yourself, and vaguely excited to see them again? Great. That’s promising.

But if something feels off, believe that too. Personally, if the conversation has the slightlest hint of gossip, complaints, passive-aggressive little digs, that's a big no thank you for me. I’m more allergic to drama than I am to pollen.

Friendship should feel easy, safe, and mutually energizing.

Remember: Most People Want Friends Too

Sometimes we assume everyone else already has their group. Their village. Their people.

And even if they do, there is always room for more! That's the beauty of it.

But more often than not, they're looking around wondering exactly the same thing you are. Wondering how to make friends, wondering where their people are, wondering if it's too late.

It's not. Friendship doesn't have an age limit.

And while you may not end up with fifteen women dancing together on a yacht in matching outfits, you might find something even better: A handful of people who show up. Who GET you. Who make you laugh. Who remember your birthday. Who bring soup when you're sick. Who make life feel lighter and seen and heard.

That's all most of us are looking for anyway!